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Paul the Apostle, said, "he has become all things to all men, in order to win some" For some reason I feel the same way. I want to reach people for Christ. I owe everything to Him. He delivered me from myself and sin. Paul experienced such suffering and pain, and found it a privilege to suffer for Christ. I to find it a privilege to suffer for Christ. I am not sure whether my suffering is self-induced, brought on by my return to the trauma. I do not  enjoy it. But I do want to reach a group of people who have suffered the affects of child hood sexual abuse. I do return when I am triggered by something or someone. I make myself feel the feelings that I stuffed so long ago and let God's Grace  heal me. For that is the bottom line. Christ is our Healer. He was wounded and bruised for us. Not just for our sins but for those sins against us. One does not have to go it alone. You went it alone during the abuse but you don't have to go it alone through your recovery. I am very aware that the Healer I recommend is not what everyone wants to hear. One day over 2000 years ago, someone said to the Healer, "physician, heal yourself", implying, that if you are the Son of God, like you claim to be, come down off that cross. He remained on the cross, why?  So His death, burial  and resurrection would provide Healing for us. We are sin sick. Even if you never were sinned against, and that is what sexual abuse and any kind of abuse is, its being sin against, one still has to come to grips with our sinful choices. He wants so much to forgive us. The Lord delights in showing us Mercy.